Velkommen til Verden Oliver Barrett Yates

As I referred to in my last blog post, to say we were getting anxious for Oliver to come would be an understatement. In January I was having such frequent Braxton Hicks contractions that I went to the hospital. Everything seemed okay with the baby, but they found that my cervix had shortened. They gave me a steroid shot to help with his lung development, a pill to stop the contractions and admitted me to the hospital until the contractions stopped and I felt comfortable to come home. That was two months before his due date. Everything went back to normal, but I had contractions all the time after this. Plus, my original due date was March 6 and they moved it to March 15; another set-up that he would come early. Then, the weekend before he came I had a night where I was tracking contractions at 5-7 minutes apart for a few hours, then fell asleep and woke up with nothing. Barrett had packed the bags, which sat around the house as a reminder for the next week. As a result of all this I had a lot of ups and downs. The couple of days before his due date and the actual due date were especially hard. The emotions aren’t very rational because you know the baby has to come eventually, but you want it to be NOW. And you also don’t have any idea how many more days you have to occupy yourself and wait for more questions and people checking in, plus the subconscious nervousness that you will go long enough to have to be induced. Now we will always say he was born 3 days after his due date, and if we had known that at the time it wouldn’t have seemed too bad, but in the moment you have no idea when that end date will be. When the actual due date passed I was a little more relaxed. The due date really just sets up an expectation, when in reality two weeks before AND two weeks after the “estimated date” is perfectly normal. I should have known not to expect to go early since Lily was born on her due date, when I was progressing weeks in advance before her as well. Anyway, we had additional discovery the day he was born that made us even more adamant to get the birth started. In Norway the husband automatically gets 10 days off, and with the weekends it equals two full weeks at home. (I don’t know why this isn’t the case in America and everywhere else) The Easter holiday is also long here, and everyone gets the Thursday, Friday, and Monday off around Easter. We knew this and originally thought Barrett would probably be back to work by then…but then we realized that if his leave and Easter holiday overlapped he would miss out on the extra days. His leave wouldn’t be postponed until after the holiday, it would overlap and he would just lose the days. If Oliver wasn’t born THE day he was born then we would have started losing days.

I’m taking a small detour to add a tender mercy to this story. The last week/few days before Oliver’s due date I prayed often that my consistent contractions would turn into labor, sooner rather than later J. We were trying all the old wives tales to push the contractions over the edge. I continued to say pleadingly in my head “Be merciful God. We’re ready for this baby to come.” You know that God sees the whole picture and there is always a plan in His timing, but I was persistent in my asking for it to happen now. Once Oliver was here we realized that the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. If he had come one day later we would have started losing days, but instead Barrett’s leave connected to the Easter holiday time off, so including the weekends Barrett had a total of 19 days at home with us. Since we didn’t have family around this came as such a blessing. I was praying for God to be merciful, and really the merciful thing was for him to come later so I could have help for as long as possible J. I know God does what’s best for me.

Anyway, back to the story, I talked to my belly all the time telling Oliver we ready for him, ate spicy food, I visualized being in labor and holding the baby, I did several fear releases in case my body was responding to some latent fears, etc., etc. So when we realized that we had to have the baby THAT day I was more motivated again. I was having regular contractions all day (again) on March 19th. I walked in the morning and when Barrett got home from work we walked and walked again. 

Our after-diner walk in circles around this grassy area.

The contractions seemed a little stronger after dinner so I started tracking them casually as we watched a show. I tried not to get my hopes up because this had happened so many times before and also became a little discouraged when they didn’t seem to get closer together. A little after 9:00p.m. I went to the bathroom and my water finally broke. You hear so many stories of the water breaking, and what everyone says is true. At first you question if that’s what really happened. I yelled to Barrett from the toilet “I think my water just broke.” He tried to get me to be a little more confident. “Well, I don’t think that was pee…” After a few more minutes I knew there was too much liquid to be anything else. The process started. Barrett called our neighbors to let them know we would be bringing Lily up soon and he started getting the bags re-packed. Every time I left the bathroom I would have to go back in to avoid getting everything wet. I had already been breathing through my contractions and focused a lot more on this. Eventually I didn’t leave the bathroom, I would just move from the toilet to the bathroom stool the back to the toilet, ha ha. Then while I was on the stool during one contraction so much water came out that you could audibly hear it dripping onto the rug and floor. Barrett started laughing from the kitchen, “Oh my heck? Is that your water?” We were both laughing as my pants got soaked. So Barrett went off to get me new pants. I don’t remember exactly when Barrett woke Lily up to take her upstairs but she was so excited that our baby was coming. I remember her talking a million miles an hour to me when she was going to the bathroom while I sat there trying to respond to her while focusing on contractions. Around this point my contractions were getting really close together, between 3-4 minutes. I think it was when Barrett came back down that I told him he needed to call the taxi immediately so we would get to the hospital in time. (Yes, we had to take a taxi. We don’t have a car. We use public transportation always. No, we never planned on taking a bus, ha ha. So many people kept asking if we were going to take the bus to the hospital. Can you imagine walking 10 minutes to a bus stop and waiting for the bus to go through all the stops while you’re in labor? It was actually kind of nice to take a taxi because then we got dropped off right at the door, didn’t have to worry about paying to park, etc.) A few seconds after I said this to him, he poked his head in the bathroom and told me the taxi app wasn’t working and the number we had written on the mirror by our front door for this exact moment wasn’t working either. I just stared at him almost becoming anxious before he apologized and said not to worry about it, he would figure it out. He must have figured it out quickly because the taxi was probably there within 10 minutes. Barrett loaded everything into the car and got the car seat loaded up with an absorbent pad and a towel. We got into the car and the driver said, “Where are you going?” I looked at Barrett and said, “You didn’t tell him I am in labor??” Ha ha! Apparently the person you call does not give an exact location or details to the driver. The driver got noticeably more nervous and was very quiet on the drive. I don’t blame him! I got refocused in the car breathing through my contractions. But with each contraction SO MUCH water kept coming out. How is there that much water in there? I could feel water up the front, in the back…. I started getting really nervous that Barrett had not padded me well enough! We finally made it to the hospital about 10:30 (don’t worry the driver passed the entrance and I was the one that noticed this and pointed it out, requiring the driver to make a U-turn on a too small road). 

A blurry picture of me in the taxi.

I awkwardly stepped out of the car holding the huge wad of towel and absorbent pad with one hand in front of me, one hand behind my butt and started walking to the door. The driver helped Barrett get the stuff out and then immediately examined his back seat where I had been sitting. Again, I don’t blame the man. I would be so nervous about my taxi after watching a woman in labor step out walking like that! The Stavanger hospital doesn’t have a separate entrance for the labor ward, so I had to walk past the main entrance to the elevator up to the 7^th floor holding the towel between my legs, ha ha. At this point I started thinking “Next time I’m doing this at home!” I hate getting all situated and focused on breathing through the contractions and then having to move and get re-situated again. So in Norway every other appointment you see your general doctor and a midwife. But neither of these providers are who delivers the baby. There are midwives on staff at the hospital with rotating shifts, whose only job is to deliver babies. Pros and cons to both ways. The midwife assigned to me smiled a little when she saw my towel and soaking pants and then gave me a huge pad, commenting that mine obviously wasn’t big enough. The midwife took me to triage to monitor the contractions and heart rate of the baby. And this is also where it’s different than the United States. In the US, the last few appointments leading up to the due date they usually do pelvic exams to see if you are dilating and thinning. Here they don’t do this unless there is a real need. I was in the room being monitored for about 25 minutes before she checked to see how far I was dilated; when she finally checked I was at 8 centimeters. She seemed a little surprised and then moved me to the birthing room. This reminded me of Lily’s birth, and what confirms to me that Hypnobirthing works at helping me stay relaxed. We got into the room and the midwife said “I can’t tell when you’re having contractions so you’ll have to let me know when you are ready to push. But he’ll probably arrive in about an hour.” Barrett and I were a little skeptical at this because I progressed to an 8 with Lily and stayed there for several hours. However, she was right. I really appreciated the space the midwife gave me and was motivated that she was confident in letting me birth on my own. She remained in the room but didn’t really talk until I said I was ready to push. It didn’t feel like I was in the room very long before I said I needed to push. When I did she calmly said, “What position would you like to be in?” Ha ha, I don’t know, just tell me what to do. She suggested a couple positions when I said “I don’t know” and then the end began quickly. She coached me through pushing and within 30 minutes (12:48 a.m.) I was holding Oliver. With Lily I was so exhausted by the end that I hardly remember anything that happened after she came out. But with Oliver I was so alert and aware of what was going on. It was amazing! I got to hold him in my arms for a long time and really soak in the moment. The first thing the midwife said was that he was definitely bigger than my first baby. And was she right! They weighed him a little while later, however, we still haven’t fully adjusted to the metric system, so when she said he was 3990 grams (Lily was 3060 grams) it didn’t mean much. But Barrett pulled out his phone to convert it and he was over 2 pounds heavier than Lily! 2 pounds! How is that even possible? Lily was 6 pounds 12 ounces, 19.5 inches, and Oliver was 8 pounds 14 ounces, 20.5 inches! I knew he felt bigger than Lily at the end, but wow, no wonder he was still kicking my ribs all the time after he had dropped. The midwife thought I tore, which I was disappointed about, but after giving me anesthetic and bringing the light over she said she seen wrong. Yahoo! I only had 1 or 2 stitches with Lily but I knew I didn’t want to be stitched again.

The first picture we sent everyone of Oliver...showing off his chubby cheeks.

So there are the facts of birthing Oliver, but the laboring experience is a lot more than this. Without being too much of a preacher for Hypnobirthing ;), I was fully convinced this time that birth could be pain-free and fairly easy. Now don’t get me wrong, it takes A LOT of practice and focus and it’s not something I want to do every day, but I think we are inundated with too many fears that birth has to be such a hard, painful experience. And obviously I haven’t had any complications with my babies so I can only speak from my very small experience, but it is possible to be calm and relaxed during labor with being numb. After Oliver was born my midwife kept calling me “clever”. We weren’t really sure what she meant by that, but she said it had been a long time since she had witnessed a birth like ours, where we were so relaxed and present. When I got pregnant this time I didn’t really want to think about labor again. But at 20 weeks I knew I needed to start listening to my positive affirmations and daily hypnosis tapes if I wanted to be mentally prepared again. I re-read my Hypnobirthing book and had a great birth consultation with someone here, who helped me to process my first labor, presented frank yet positive facts about a second birth, and took me on a tour of the hospital. I did several fear releases around a long labor and stalling labor and prepared myself for what I remember being a very rough transition to the final stages of labor. I even had a couple conversations with Barrett about whether it was actually possible for me to have an “easy, comfortable” labor this time around or if it was something to be achieved eventually, trying to get better and better at each labor. Barrett helped me reframe how if I really believed what Marie Mongan taught with Hypnobirthing, then I should be able to achieve this in every labor. All of it must have helped prepare for such a positive labor with Oliver. After my water broke I could tell my contractions were getting stronger, but I was still able to talk and joke with Barrett in between the contractions. And again, after I went into the birthing room I could tell my contractions were even stronger, but I wouldn’t say that I was in all this pain. Pushing is definitely more uncomfortable and I was nervous about how long it would take, because I was pushing for an hour and a half with Lily (and the first baby is always different) but even with how big Oliver was, it was relatively quick with no tearing. It really was everything I had hoped for. Thank you Marie Mongan for teaching me that my body is meant to birth! I also felt grateful to be in Norway for this birth because I didn’t have the skepticism of having a “natural birth” here. It is uncommon in the US (although I think it is becoming more common again), but here it is the unstated expectation to have a drug-free birth, with the epidurals and C-sections on a completely different floor. Again, I AM NOT judging anyone for however they choose to have their babies. I think a choice should be made on what will be best and safest for the baby and what will help the woman feel most relaxed to bring the baby into the world. A calm beginning however it is done is better than a fearful, tense beginning, if that is possible. All I am saying from my experience is that I have learned my body was meant to birth and also that it can birth without terrible pain. I am so grateful for Oliver’s great birth and look forward to all the rest of my labors going as smoothly.

Woah, sorry for all the detail. Hopefully it wasn't too boring. If you made it to the end of this post, here are some more pictures from the first few hours.

The lights were dimmed in the room so the pictures in the birthing room are really blurry. But at least we have some to document it.

You stay in the delivery room for 2 hours here before they move you to your hotel room, so you have time to bond with your baby.

 They also bring apple juice and a Norwegian flag to the room to celebrate. I think this is a fun tradition!

Another fun part of this hospital is the quilt they have on the wall to mark all the babies that have been born that month. Pink pins for girls and blue pins for boys. The dad's get to put the pin in for your baby.

 Oliver was the first baby born on the 19th.

I have more pictures from the hospital and Lily coming to meet Oliver that I'll save for the next post.